Harold, the gay Doozer

The Doozers, a harmless hard working class of lovable little guys.  You may remember the Doozers from a short run show in the 80s called Fraggle Rock.  During the 80s the Doozers had prospects of becoming profitable construction workers and engineers, all while pursuing acting careers.

Even while looking like little fat members of the Village People, those bastards built their hearts out.  The Doozers never even stopped to shit or eat, which is mostly due to having a real shitty union and a lack of Port-O-Potties in "the Rock".  On the other hand, they did get to drive tiny Radio Shack and Tonka trucks.

Doozer Pimp Wagon

Because Lego's Suck

Ever diligent, the Doozers would continue to build their grand structures and roadway systems from sugar cane that grew rampant in the caves of Fraggle Rock.  (That's right kids, sugar grows in caves!)  But life was not all that great for the Doozers due to another inhabitant of Fraggle Rock, these fuckers were known as Fraggles.

The Fraggles were a clan of happy-go-lucky stoners who spent their days lounging about in the caves and believing that they could actually "dance their cares away".  Those dumb bastards.  Anyway, the Fraggles were the current employers of the Doozers, since they were too fucking stoned and lazy to do the work themselves.

Hippie Stoners

Stoner Munchie Time

Day after day, those Fraggle fucks would come along and eat (that's right kids...eat) half the work the Doozers did on any job.  Apparently stoner munchie time used to begin at 8:30 AM EST but soon progressed into weekly afternoons.  Sometimes the Fraggles did not even eat the sugar cane, instead they just broke the shit because they were clumsy and never apologized.

In my search for answers, I was able to ask Wembley, the fattest Fraggle, why they torture the Doozers.  His reply, "dancing and smoking makes us hungry and, well, we take what we can get.  I mean, honestly, who builds with sugar cane anyway?  Originally the Great Trashy, who did the contract negotiations, told us to eat the Doozers if we got hungry, but they were squishy in our mouths, so we stopped and just went with the buildings materials."

Fat Ass

One Dirty Filthy Bitch

I spoke to the "Great" Trashy, chief advisor, tyrant, and contract negotiator for the Fraggles, but in reality, a giant pile of leaves and shit.  When asked why she forced the Doozers into such an unreasonable contract, she replied "I hate those green little fucks!  They needed the money.  If they left before the 5 year contract was up, I got to eat their families.  I never thought they'd make it. I hope they all die in a terrible construction accident! "

At this point I am in complete and utter shock for the uncaring and cruel treatment of the Doozers in Fraggle Rock.  I needed to get another perspective on this, so I asked my "great" trash what it thought of the whole Doozer situation, and you know what...it was speechless...that's right...SPEECHLESS.

The Trash was speechless

Working on Boston's Big Dig

Now, years later, the Doozers look back on those terrible days down in "the Rock" and while filled with painful memories and sadness, they learned a lesson about signing onto bad contracts and having a shitty union.  However the biggest lesson the Doozers learned from their experience in Fraggle Rock was to never trust a group of hippie stoner fucks...EVER.