UNDERDOG
NOT UNDERDOG
Live Action Cartoons
...that I'd Make
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UNDERDOG |
NOT UNDERDOG |
So recently they released a live-action movie based on one of my old time favorite cartoons, "Underdog", and I can't help but think "why". There are just some cartoons that should be left as cartoons and never EVER be made into anything even resembling live-action (Rocky & Bullwinkle). But if you are going to make a live-action film based on the cartoon, the studios need to go one way or another...stick to the entire original story OR make it a parody of its former self (Scooby Doo). For "Underdog", they tried to do something not even remotely related to the original story other than just giving a dog special powers. The original Underdog was a shoe-shine boy, but in this movie he is just a dog. This is an atrocity! Also, how do you choose Jason Lee as the voice for Underdog? Don't get me wrong, I am a HUGE fan of Jason Lee, but as the voice of Underdog? No way. Underdog had a nasally voice. Now Jason Lee as Dave in "Alvin & the Chipmunks", this I find a bit more acceptable.
Moving on...here are some movies I would make.
Two Stupid Dogs
in "Well isn't that cute, BUT IT'S WRONG!"
Modern food hunters, led by big stupid dog (Brad Garrett, who did the original voice) and little stupid dog (now played by Ray Romano because his whiney voice is fitting), search for Lassie's fabled "Golden Chew Toy". The whereabouts of the toy may lie in a secret code embedded in the U.S. Constitution and in a map drawn on the back of the Declaration of Independence. They must dodge obstacles such as falling boulders and endure Sean Connery playing their father. When they find the golden chew toy, it mysteriously kills all the nazis and brings them mass quantities of food.
The Wuzzles
in "Necessary Replacements"
Aging former quarterback Bumble-Lion (played by the legendary William Shatner) registers at Texas State University hoping to realize his dream of playing college ball. But as luck would have it, the school's pigskin program just got hogtied for rules violations, and all the veterans were booted. Undeterred, Bumble-Lion helps organize a scrappy squad of replacements -- including a Rhinokey (Corin "bring him out of retirement" Nemec) as the kicker and fat ass Hoppopotamus (Queen "Hip-hop-opatamus" Latifah) as his love interest/lead tackle -- and, to everyone's shock, the team's fortunes begin to pick up, until in the end, Bumble-Lion gets herpes.
Droopy Dog
in "Resident Droopy 3: Feel the Boom"
Bernie Mac returns as zombie-killing soldier Droopy, who's obsessed with bringing down the zombie marauding biker corporation known as Thunder Corp. When a series of viral outbreaks nearly wipes out all of mankind, Droopy and a small band of survivors, including Paulie Shore and Carrot Top, are left to roam the ruins of the Austrailian outback, battling the undead … and their own extinction.
The Gummi Bears
in "A Very Gummi Movie"
Here's the familiar story of a man named Gruffi (Gary Coleman) and a woman named Grammi (Martha Stewart), who are bringing up their six..er..two children. The difference is that this film, looks upon the original TV series on which it's based with both self-deprecating wit and wistful wonder. The plot? A snarky bid by a land developer for the Gummis' property as the present-day living makes the Gummis look hilariously antiquated (whatever that means). The Gummi's discover that winning a dance contest will give them the money they need to save their tree lair. With the "dance" skills that Sunni (Lindsay Lohan) learned from her job at the "Pussycat Lounge", the Gummi's are sure to win.
The Hair Bear Bunch
in "Hair Bear Break"
Young FBI agent Bubi Bear (Frankie Muniz) goes undercover to infiltrate a group of rogue surfers/bears and determine whether they're actually a gang of wanted zoo escapees. The bears call themselves the "Hair Bear Bunch" and have committed a series of successful escapes that have left Mr. Peevly and the other zoo-keepers puzzled. Bubi is quickly drawn into the surfing subculture by the group's afro-haired and aptly named leader, Hair (Ice Cube), and becomes enmeshed in the lifestyle. Also, they have an invisible motorcycle...that runs on farts.
Hong Kong Phooey
in "The Phooey Kid"
Recently arrived in the Golden State from New Jersey, janitor Penry Pooch (Shia LaBeouf) suffers culture shock. On top of everything else, the office bully -- a gang leader with a black belt in karate and a badass 80's rattail -- begins hassling Penry. Luckily, his apartment building boasts a resident martial arts master: handyman Master Splinter (Jackie Chan), who agrees to train Penry…and ends up teaching him much more than self-defense, but not in some gay love sort of way. And in the end with a "bong of the gong" everyone gets to eat pizza. YAY!
The Monchhichis
in "Herpes: The Movie"
As take-charge wizard/virologist Wizzar (Kevin Smith) strives to thwart a global biological meltdown in the form of a killer form of the herpes virus that has infested a New Jersey community, he must also battle those who say the only way to stop the disease is to firebomb the town. With his naturally talented cast of usuals, (Jason Mewes, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Jason Lee) he must find the monch responsible for the outbreak and convince a community that herpes is all about suppression.
Secret Squirrel
in "Rush Hour Sheep"
Action superstars Chris Farley (who is greatly missed, as Morocco Mole) and David Spade (as Secret Squirrel) join forces to help solve an international kidnapping and get Morocco's brother, Albert (Arnold Schwenager), elected to Governor of California. Secret, while initially hired to take Morocco out of town until his brother's election is over, soon realizes that his career might not go anywhere after this gig is over. After stumbling across a "van down by the river", Secret and Morocco discover a kidnapped Chinese girl and become international heroes. Secret then sells the rights to his story and gets his own show on Comedy Central. The end.
Tom & Jerry
in "Mice on a Plane"
Mouse chaser extraordinaire, Tom (Mel Gibson), and super smart mouse, Jerry (Ben Stiller) find themselves chasing each other onto a plane. Little do they know that the dog, Spike, has had enough of their shenanigans and booby-trapped the plane with a whole shitload of snakes. Also, having realized just how much he hates mice, Spike has also convinced Mighty Mouse, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, and Danger Mouse to board this flight. And as we all know, snakes eat mice AND cats. Now Tom, Jerry, and his fellow mice must team up and try survive being eaten by venomous snakes in this taut airborne thriller and first Oscar worthy film of the year.
Yogi Bear
in "Pic-a-nic Basket of Death"
Yogi Bear (Sylvester Stalone) is crushed when his lil buddy Boo-boo (Joshua Jackson) is killed after accidentally stealing a mafia owned picnic basket. With nothing left to lose or to live for, Yogi becomes "The Grizzly" -- a one-bear judge, jury, sodomizer and executioner who declares open season on criminals and picnic baskets throughout America.