LOSE 30 LBS IN 30 DAYS ON THE

JUST SCOTT WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

Hey there all you little fat boys and girls! Hey there all you chunky butt adults! Now is the chance to get your fat ass off the couch with my brand new 10 step plan that is guaranteed to help you lose 30 lbs in 30 days or your money back. With my weight loss plan the retarded kid on the blue bus will stop making fun of you, finally you'll be able to take a flight, or even see a movie and only pay for one seat. You might be thinking to yourself, "JS, how do I know if this plan is right for me?" Well this plan will work for anyone at any age. Just look at the results...

It is sure hard to believe that she was such a huge fat ass hippo only 30 days ago. The plan is free! The only thing you pay for is your month's supply of dietary supplements. So read below and see if this is the plan for you.

Step 1: Stop Eating so Much

The first problem with fat people is that they don't know when to stop eating. Appetizers, dessert, and "seconds" are not requirements, they are options. "All you can eat" is not a challenge. STOP EATING YOU FAT FUCK!!!

Step 2: Throw Up Whenever Possible

Even celebrities now the best way to shake a few pounds off in a jiffy is to stick Mr. Finger in your throat and watch those funtastic pounds fly right out your mouth. If you don't trust me, just ask these lovely girls...

Step 3: Run for Your Life

Why do a half assed workout when you will surely get a better workout if someone is chasing after you with a weapon? Go into an all black neighborhood dressed in all white. Throw firecrackers at a policeman's car. Anything to piss someone off enough that you will burn off all those calories climbing fences, breaking in doors, or even stealing cars. Hell, you might even get on COPS. It worked well for these fellas over in Iraq,

"We love the JS Weight Loss Plan" (quoted before flogging)

Step 4: Beat Out the Fat

You may opt to do this separately from the third step or in conjunction, but regardless, the next best thing to save money on that gym membership is to get your ass kicked. Not only will this toughen you up, but the hunger pains will worry you a lot less after. Tell a body builder that you "banged his mom in the ass while thrusting a rusty pipe in her crusty meat flaps"...one that will never fail. Just look how well it worked out for Bill...

"They had to remove my liver due to the damage, but it was a quick way to lose another 10 lbs." - Bill

Step 5: Become a Warrior Princess

Just ask yourself, when was the last time you saw a fat warrior princess? NEVER. Being a Warrior Princess (aka Lipstick Lesbo with a Sword) means you need to sweat ALL THE TIME. Turn your apartment's heat up to at least 90 degrees and start swinging that sword. Stab people and ride horses if you feel the need, as long as you SWEAT.

"Don't make me give you a hug. You will drown in my sweat." - Xena, Warrior Princess

Step 6: Start Chemo

Start chemotherapy for the hell of it. You can watch those pounds just fall away and maybe a hair or two. Just ask anybody you know with cancer and they are sure to have prize winning stories about how chemo worked for them. Here we have Suzie, who has been on my plan for 2 months now...

...doesn't she look great.

Step 7: Smoke Crack

Crack addicts and crack whores are never fat...why? Crack speeds up your metabolism. Now you might be thinking "JS, isn't crack illegal?" Well guess what, you are wrong. Crack is only illegal if you get caught buying or selling. Possession is only a small charge and you can probably get away with just going to rehab. Scott Weiland of the Stone Temple Pilots has been getting away with it for years. When you join the plan you get a FREE CRACK PIPE!

Step 8: Get Your Fat Ass Off the Couch

You can either be like this fat little kid who will be living in his parents' basement into his thirties while working the late shift at 7-11 and his only episode of sexual intercourse being one drunken night with his neighbors dog...

...or you can get your fat ass off the couch and do one of my previous steps. Have another chip...fatty!

Step 9: Take my Weight Loss Pill

And here is the real key to shaking off all those pounds folks, JS's Fat Burner pills. My pill is full off all kinds of weight loss chemicals that are sure to speed up your metabolism and blow those pounds away faster than you can figure out the street value of an eighth of weed in China.

Step 10: There is No Step 10

10 Step Plans are for alcoholics and homos. If you want a tenth step, please slowly bend over and pull that pretentious 3 foot rod out of you fat flabby ass you uppity fuck.

So if you are ready to get that amazing lollipop model/crack addict body you always dreamed of, try my plan. I guarantee you will lose at least 30 pounds in 30 days or I will give you your money back. And as always, just say no to fat people and your mom is still a whore.

For more of my shenanigans:   www.angrymonkeyfight.com

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