Star Wars: Episode 2.5

Skywalker vs. Potter

In a strange twist of events both Anakin Skywalker, Jedi knight in training, and Harry Potter, master wizard in training, find themselves both on the very Earthlike planet known as Endor.  Endor, perhaps known best for its Ewoks and occasional Wookie, has been home to many a battle, but none as vicious as this.  Who will win the battle over the girlfriend with the biggest boobs? The Force? Magic? or Puberty?

Gremlins vs. Carl

"Great big globs of greasy grimy Gremlin guts!" - Carl

After finally succeeding in killing all the golfers...um...gophers at Bushwood Country Club, Carl is sent to take care of yet another varmint problem, this time in Kingston Falls.  Upon his arrival at Kingston Falls' Country Club he begins to notice that these gophers and large green and like to eat late night snacks.  Armed with only a nine iron and a flashlight, Carl must do the impossible and kill all the Gremlins.

Freddy vs. Jason vs. Godzilla

Get the Fuck out of Town!

After taking a wrong turn on the back streets of Tokyo, Godzilla mysteriously finds himself on Elm Street. After scorching down numerous homes and eating lots of humans, he decides to have himself a little Godzilla nap. During his nap, the legendary Freddy Krueger appears before Godzilla and tells him to leave all the children alone so he can kill them. Godzilla however, being a freaking dinosaur, does not understand a word that Freddy says and continues killing everyone. In hopes of regaining control over Elm Street, Freddy travels to Crystal Lake and once again revives Jason Vorhees to talk to Godzilla.  Jason Vorhees, after studying years of Japanese in hell, attempts to talk to Godzilla, but then realizes that he has no vocal chords.  Godzilla is once again angered by all this foolishness and a great battle ensues between the three. Who will win? Who really cares?

Bill & Ted Enter the Matrix

"Whoa!" - Ted

"They 'melvinned' me." - Mr. Smith

When Ted mistakenly IMs the wrong name on AOL, he and Bill mysteriously find themselves in some sort of computer dimension.  While roaming around this strange computer land, Bill and Ted run into Mr. Smith who begins calling out Ted by the name Mr. Anderson.  Infuriated that Mr. Smith does not know that he is the one and only Ted Theodore Logan from Wild Stallions!, Bill and Ted proceed to grab Mr. Smith's nut sack and give it a 2 inch lift.  Angered by this, Mr. Smith begins cloning himself in order to defeat this mischievous stoned duo.  Can Bill & Ted find a way home before Mr. Smith annoys them to death? Any which way, this will be Bill & Ted's most bogus journey.

The Goonies vs The Critters

"Rocky Road sucks."- Critter #27

Unknowingly that the "Truffle Shuffle" is the intergalactic sign for "Hey Critters, come eat us!", Chunk mistakenly contacts the Critters.  Upon entering Earth, the Critters find a strange transcript describing One Eyed Willy's great feast of Humans.  Realizing that they are responsible for the possible demise of all humankind, the Goonies team up once again to do battle and try to beat the Critters to the great feast, where if they can, make Sloth will eat the humans instead.

Alien vs Predator vs the Ewoks

No matter who wins...even dead Ewoks are cute.

By some cruel twist in a galaxy far far away, the species simply known as "Predator" decide to travel to the small planet of Endore and hunt the creatures known as "Ewoks".  Ewoks, with their only weapons being rocks, sticks, and a Wookie, are sure to be defeated, until...the "birth".  

Two days earlier Chubaka, the Wookie, had met up with his friend Barf, the Mog, in a small intergalatic truck stop in space.  Chubaka, having ordered the "special", unknowingly has become impregnated with an "Alien" spawn and has now given birth to a vicious Predator hating Alien.  The Ewoks quickly order up 3 tons of the "special" and have it delivered to Endore.  And now the true battle begins...Alien vs Ewok vs Predator...and sadly the Ewoks will all be killed.  Stupid cute Ewoks.  That's what you get for hosting a Wookie. 

He-Man and She-Ra vs. the 70's Disco Zombies

"Me like Brains better than Disco." - Zombie Travolta

Sucked into some strange trans-dimensional portal created by Skeletor, He-Man and She-ra find themselves facing a planet stricken with 70s Disco Zombies.  Unlike zombies of today, these zombies move slower than my grandmother's bowels.  Also, these zombies crave only brain and disco.  He-Man and She-ra, quickly realizing that these zombies are no match for the powers of Greyskull and begin killing them off one by one...until they heard the vocal stylings of the BeeGees.  Deciding perhaps these zombies had the right idea that everyone should be a 70s Disco Zombie, offer themselves up to the zombies, but in another twisting shock...the zombies don't like cartoon brain.  Enraged by the zombies refusal to change them, He-Man and She-ra bust out a couple verses of "Ice Ice Baby" which immediately kills all the zombies...except for the Vanilla Ice zombie.  

When Harry Met King Kong

"Gee, and I thought Sally had hair on her back." - Harry

In this sequel to When Harry Met Sally, we find Harry and Sally on vacation in New York City.  Soon after their arrival in NYC, news quickly breaks out the King Kong has once again escaped from the Bronx Zoo and is head straight for the heart of the city.  Before Harry and Sally have time to react to the news, King Kong appears and snatches up Sally in his giant gorilla paw and begins climbing the Empire State Building.  Harry, in an attempt to save Sally, takes the elevator to the top of the Empire, but to his dismay, Sally has already been named by none other than Mr. Tom Hanks.  Sally then explains to Harry that Tom is the love of her life and that she is moving to Seattle  King Kong and Harry, now both without a Sally decide to team up as pals and go on a whirl wind adventure in search of woman who can orgasm in at will and bananas.  Comedy ensues.

Jaws vs. Flipper

"Eeeeeeeeeek!" - Flipper

So good this movie doesn't even really need a plot.  Just have Flipper go "eek eek" ever once in awhile to some unsuspecting family then have Jaws eat them.  Simple. In the end, Jaws eats Flipper, who has realized he cannot win and just swallowed 10 lbs. of C4 explosives.  KABOOM!  Jaws and Flipper both die in a fiery blaze. I'll take my $1 million now.

Kong vs. Kobe

Level 01

Kobe Bryant, having accusingly raped the Princess, Toad, and Yoshi, is found guilty by cause of video game insanity and sent to 3 life sentence or 10,000 points in DK land by Judges Mario and Luigi.  Kobe, armed with only a basketball and a powerful leap, must jump over barrels and fireballs in his attempt to free himself from the hell that is the original Donkey Kong. 

Muppets vs. Muppets

"Tickle this, you fat hog" - Elmo to Miss Piggy

The muppets of Sesame Street tired of teaching kids their ABC's and 123's attempt to get a feature film made, only to find that Jim Henson has given sole movie rights to Kermit and his crew (aka The Muppets).  The Sesame Street crew, realizing they are stuck in PBS hell and forced to do shows on ice, decide that the only way they will be able to do another feature film is to KILL "the Muppets"  Elmo, having acquired many weapons from his appearances on the Rosie O'Donnell show, decides he will head his crew in what will surely be the biggest beating a puppet has seen since Eminem punched Special Ed on the MTV awards.  Who will win?  Who cares?

Ash vs. Evil Barney

"Hey child molester, say hello to my boomstick!" - Ash to Evil Barney

Barney, having mistakenly read from the Necronomicon (book of the dead), has become possessed by evil spirits and is on a killing spree.  Having killed every child on his show and half of the childhood population in LA, Barney has now set his sites on the only man who can possibly stop him...Bruce "don't call me Ash" Campbell.  Bruce, having just left negotiations for the movie "Freddy vs Jason vs Ash" finds himself face to face with a blood covered purple dinosaur.  Bruce, being familiar with the evil dead, quickly whips around his shotgun and blows the head off of Evil Barney.  This being a horror movie, Evil Barney is not quite dead, even without a head.  The two go on battling for another 1:15 minutes while some teenage actors get eaten by Barney, the token black actor survives, and the token hot chick flashes her boobs.  The End.